In episode 43 of Everything is Up, Tammera Hollerich is joined by TJ Ware for a follow-up conversation about his journey to success. TJ and his wife, Jackie, had previously appeared on the show and have since experienced a significant pivot in their lives. They discuss the power of changing behavior and its impact on thinking skills, as well as the importance of therapy and coping mechanisms.
Tune in for an inspiring and transparent discussion about overcoming challenges and finding light at the end of the tunnel.
TIMESTAMPS
[00:01:13] Life Unraveling and Challenges.
[00:07:16] Pursuit of Peace and Happiness.
[00:10:08] Ketamine Clinic and Mental Health.
[00:15:21] The Challenges of Marriage.
[00:19:13] Sacrifices and Balance.
[00:26:02] Air Conditioning for the Brain.
[00:32:35] Happiness is a Choice.
[00:34:14] Gratitude and Focus on Thoughts.
In this episode, Tammera Hollerich and TJ Ware discuss the transformative impact of changing their behavior on their thinking skills. This personal development journey has had a profound and positive effect, showcasing their active commitment to self-improvement.
Additionally, Tammera and TJ delve into the significant issues and challenges faced by visionary entrepreneurs striving to achieve great things. They acknowledge that some of these issues stem from their own decisions, while the stressors of managing a large family, frequent relocations, and hard work have taken a toll on their personal and family life. Thus, underscoring the importance of adaptability and the ability to pivot, while acknowledging the difficulties and sacrifices that accompany such endeavors.
QUOTES
SOCIAL MEDIA LINKS
Tammera Hollerich
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TammeraHollerich
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tammerahollerich/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thollerich/
TJ Ware
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tj.ware.31/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tj-ware-18b90a16/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/largelossexpert/
WEBSITES
Everything Is Up: https://everything-is-up.simplecast.com/
Tammera Hollerich: https://tammerahollerich.com/
Welcome to Everything Is Up, a podcast about the real-life stories of people who have created extraordinary levels of success. These are conversations with people who are constantly striving to take things to the next level. And now, here's your host,
Welcome to Everything is Up with Tammera. Joining me in studio today is TJ Ware. So, I don't know if you guys remember or not. TJ and Jackie, his wife, were guests back in summer of 2023. Summer. Yeah, I think it was summer 2023, right? And we had a great conversation with TJ and Jackie. TJ and Jackie both really have had a little bit of a pivot in their life. And I thought it would be great to do a follow-up story with TJ. He's been extremely transparent about what has gone on in their lives. So joining me today, again, TJ, welcome. And thank you so much for joining me today.
Thanks. I'm really glad to be here.
Great. When I had you and Jackie on the show, right? It was, you saw perfection, right? happily married, 10 kids, you saw perfection. And then I watched your life unfold without details, unravel, unravel. Yes. I saw it kind of unravel bits and pieces. So, I had this epiphany. I was like, let's do a follow-up with what happens when stuff starts to unravel. And you know, the name of the show is everything is up. So, it's like, where do we go up from here? Right. And what were the challenges? Right. Without going into detail, obviously.
Well, you know, I mean, obviously I can go into detail as much as I can or whatever. But first of all, like it was never my intention to portray that I had a perfect life or a perfect marriage. Sure. And I think I've been pretty transparent in the past with different challenges and issues. I've been very transparent because there have been significant issues and You know, a lot of them are results of my own decisions or our own decisions, and a lot of it has to do with being such a visionary entrepreneur, trying to accomplish so much and conquer the world with so many responsibilities, and honestly, you know, I came into marriage and parenting at a very young age. My wife and I got together, you know, so we were really young parents, and we came into it like a lot of people without experience, but probably also without some of the important examples that some children have. We both came from fairly rough backgrounds, and we've done the best that we could. We're both visionaries and eventually the stressors of having a large family moving so much and working so hard. just took their toll. You know, there was a period of time in 2020, I probably told you where Jack and I each worked 16 hours a day, seven days a week for like five months. Yeah. And it was really challenging. And I've learned a lot of really hard lessons, but you know, I'm one of those people that is very adaptable. You know, I adapt quickly to my situation. I've kind of lived a few different lifetimes already in my short lifespan.
Interesting, right?
And so, you know, this has been the hardest experience of my entire life.
It will be. Yeah, it will be.
Yeah. But, you know, I've already got a ton of opportunity and things going well, and I'm looking forward to this year. I think it's going to be a great year.
So, let's talk a little bit about pivot, pivoting, because, you know, our audience is you know, most of them entrepreneurs and CEOs, you know, probably can relate immensely to those pressures and stressors and, you know, high achievers, right. That we end up pushing so hard, right. That all of sudden things start to unravel, start crashing around us and we start to pivot. Okay. Sometimes that pivot isn't even in the direction we think we're going to do. Some of its reactionary to the situation around us. But let's talk pivoting, right? I thought we all pivoted when we got sent to our room, right? In 2020 by, you know, the government who said, go to your room and stay there for three years type of thing. I thought we all pivoted really well there, but business pivoting is different than personal pivoting.
You know, pivoting is something I talk a lot about. And I'm one of those people that can naturally pivot so quickly and so fluidly that I've often caused organizational whiplash within my own companies. Because it's really easy for me to understand the new concept, idea, and direction that I want to go in, no matter how different it may be from the direction we've been going in. And you learn in business that you don't throw good money after bad. You know, you may have been really dedicated to this, but once you see it's not the way you need to go, then you just do this. And the problem traditionally has been that a lot of the people around me, by the time they adapt to the pivot, we're pivoting again. And I'll be honest with you, you know, that's kept me in the black many, many, many times. But it has strained the organizations that I've run.
So, do you think, like, let's talk personal, right? It's really the same thing. You think? Yeah. Pivoting? Okay. So family, you've got 10 kids, right? How are the kids adapting?
You know, it's different for the different kids. The young ones are doing very well. I have them three days a week. She has them four days a week right now. We've been able to work together fairly collaboratively when it comes to the kids. Some of the oldest ones are busy doing their own thing in life right now. And You know, I'm supporting two different households, and most of the older kids have grown up in the house that she kept. So, I've got a big house nearby, hoping that they will come by more often. And I've got a theater room, and I've hooked the Xbox up to it.
That's an attraction. Hey, that's smart. Smart thinking, then.
Well, that's my goal. I'm going to have the coolest bachelor dad pad in town. Nice. Yeah.
You know, it's very hard to be bachelor dad when you have 10 kids because they're going to be in and out all the time. When you're looking at this future, what do you see?
You know, to be honest with you, the long term is very out of focus right now. You know, I don't know. But I have built new priorities in my life. I have spent the last seven months working really hard in pursuit of peace calm and happiness. I've also put a ton of work in learning to regulate my nervous system Interesting. Yeah, and that's something that has been a huge development in my life because I was always so high-strung, I'm a combat vet. So, there was some PTSD in there and I dealt with a lot of stress. I didn't do it. Well, right and so to be honest with you, you know, since I've been separated and on my own, like my blood pressure has come down significantly. So, it's probably part of being removed from somewhat stressful situation and difficult, you know, stage in a relationship, but also consciously learning to regulate my nervous system, calm myself, use somatic breathing to, um, make sure that I stay where I need to stay, where I'm calm and level-headed and can more easily make good decisions. And I think that it's great for me in both my personal and business life.
I like it. So, when your kind of, I don't know, looking towards, are you keeping the business? Are you guys going to try and work together with the business?
Or are you going to a different direction? She's taken her consulting business and running with that. I own and help run NTS, one of our companies. And she's never been involved with that company. So, my intention is to work something out with her where I can retain that. And then she and I will continue to own and run Paradise Claims together, which those operations have scaled down significantly. But because of the industry that we're in, you know, we've got like three years of receivables Wow. Yeah, which is good and bad It's good now but three years from now. Yeah, then what well not just that but a year or two three years ago When we were having so many cash flow struggles because our pay cycle is three years out So a lot of times, we spent so much money running the company that whatever money came in You know, most of that quickly got absorbed into the company. So hopefully now scaling down operations will actually be much more profitable through the next few years when the rest of our claims close out. And then maybe for her by then, her consulting business will have taken off and I'll just continue to focus on NTS and whatever new ventures I take on.
That's exciting. So, is there anything new on the horizon, something in that wonderful brain that you have and that you would like to do?
There are several things I'm looking at right now because of all of the time and effort that I've spent Uh, addressing struggles within myself, like, like post-traumatic stress disorder and stuff like that within the last maybe seven, eight, nine months, uh, I'm looking at potentially starting the ketamine clinic. I don't know if you know anything about, yeah, it's been called, uh, one of the decade's largest medical breakthroughs, the usage of ketamine towards severe depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. And it's really incredible the way that it works. So, you know, it, it activates the glutamate receptors in the brain, which makes both hemispheres talk to each other.
That's awesome.
You know, if you've ever been put under for a procedure, there's a good chance that they gave you ketamine and you were on this crazy wild mind resetting psychedelic trip. You just didn't realize it.
No. Yeah.
But it creates neuroplasticity and lets your brain adapt to new patterns better. And so, when it's used with therapy, it can, it has had like, 80% effectiveness against post-traumatic stress disorder in combat vets.
Yeah, that's exciting. So, knowing you have that background, is there any hope that you might actually just work with combat vets?
You know, that's, that's definitely one of the things that we're looking at. I think that it's probably a useful medication for a portion of the population, no matter what. I've teamed up with a wonderful physician here. in Dallas-Fort Worth that she's a doctor of internal medicine and she's looking at alternative treatments to help people with difficult conditions. So yeah, I think that I would love to work with vets. I've always had a heart for vets. I used to volunteer at the Texas Veterans Nursing Home. I'm a member of the VFW and the American Legion. And so, like, you know, I always do something that I have some kind of passion about. And when I lose the passion, for a business or company or industry that I'm in, I think for me, it's better to move on and find a way to move to something that I'm passionate about at that time.
Well, I think they say if it's a passion, it's not work. Exactly. Right. It just becomes part of your life. And it's something that you actually will enjoy. You actually look forward to getting up in the morning. to go do what it is that you're doing.
100%. So, I'm also interested in art and sneakers.
And sneakers. Okay, so talk to me about sneakers.
I'm a little bit of what they call a sneakerhead. Are you familiar with the term? No. It's just somebody, I mean, it could be a lady or a guy, but a lot of times it's a guy that has a lot of nice shoes, sneakers.
Oh, sneakers. Yeah, I'm a shoe whore. Same thing, different name. I was going to say, this is all about the pumps, right? It's like, you should see my closet. My husband's like, do we need another pair? No, there's people on the counter that came in today type of thing.
I got a bunch of sneakers. I have one pair of red bottoms too.
Okay. So, let's talk through, um, what, what you would say, well, you know, we've got some stressors, right? That happened in life. And you're on a mission here to pivot your life a little bit. I'll give you guys a little, for those of you guys who didn't hear the episode with TJ and Jackie, you guys were married for how long?
20 years.
20 years, a long time. Yeah. A long time. 10 kids, right? And life's gotten in the way a little bit, right? Some stressors have gotten in the way. You guys have gone down different paths at this point. I'd love for you, as we talk through some of the challenges, where do you think the biggest challenge came from?
For me, it was probably one of the biggest challenges was deciding to take my family on the road working. And essentially, you know, I worked seven different hurricanes and having your family displaced all the time. It can be really challenging, especially for adolescents, you know, when you remove them from their friend group and things like that.
Let me stop you. Sorry. I don't mean to interrupt, but you guys homeschooled too. Okay. I think I remember that. Sure.
You know, that made it when, when the kids were young, it works very well. We were very portable. We've lived all over the country. We've done a lot of different things. Uh, and that afforded us the ability to be able to move wherever we wanted or travel as much as we wanted. You know, I was in North Carolina in 2018 for a while. My whole family and I, we went and spent six weeks in the outer banks of North Carolina. I took my offshore boat with me in 2019. We've been able to do these things for years, but as my kids got older and closer with their friend groups and more serious about their education, and even with the homeschool program they're in, they may be on team assignments where they're working together with other kids. And so, you know, removing them from their home and environment for months at a time became really difficult and working too much and honestly, um, not having the interpersonal skills that it takes to maintain a marriage.
Yeah. So, I lovingly say I can run three companies, um, but being married is the most, challenging thing that I've ever done. And Ivan and I just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary, but we don't have 10 kids, right? So, you know, we didn't personally have any of our own. We raised a niece, but I mean- I think you told me you have like 40 chickens. I have 55 today, but you know, that might be 54 if this one die sitting in the office right now. So, but I mean, when you have employees and kids and businesses and you're trying to make... Ivan would say he's number 10, like all the time, right? I'm number 10. He goes, yeah, behind three companies, six dogs, and then me, right? So, he's like, I have to be cognizant of that. And there's no manual that says this is how you have the perfect marriage, right? This is how you raise the perfect kids. There's no manual. And if you aren't, equipped from the get-go, I think, with the right counseling or the right mindset, I do think it is a little challenging, especially for those of us that are type A, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. I have to be the best. I'm not going to settle for less. The marriage tends to be the one thing, and I've heard this over and over, that, well, they're going to love me anyway. I have had to step back myself and go, do I want to lose him? No. Right. So, I don't think that that was your, like, you guys didn't just wake up one day and go, okay, we're done.
Right. I did treat my wife like she would never leave me. And that was a mistake. And when I got into heavy counseling back, probably in the summertime, one of the things that my counselor said to me is that she tells her clients to treat their spouse like five people are trying to take them away and take them away. And I did the opposite. You know, I treated mine like she would never leave. And so that was a big mistake that I made and a lesson that I learned. Um, and then also, uh, Jackie was the first one that gave me the first book that really started me on like a, you know, I've read 16 books since the summer and mostly personal development. Right. And in psychology and things like that. And it was a book on boundaries and being able to set and verbalize healthy boundaries and understand how boundaries are supposed to work in a relationship is very helpful. And that was life changing reading that book because. I grew up in a household that didn't really have any boundaries and in a family that some of them have struggled as we've all gotten older to learn boundaries and know what is and isn't their place to involve themselves, et cetera. And, you know, that was a challenge in our own marriage. And I think that for some people, that is, you know, a common challenge.
Yeah. No, I would agree with you wholeheartedly. And just stepping back and looking at my own marriage right and going Do I take him for granted? Yeah, do I not spend enough time and the answer to all of those is yes, you know I'm a hard charger with a lot of people pleaser mixed into it.
So that's what I've done in business is I've made sure that that everybody likes me and that I'm here to help and that I'm always at their service and that kept me chained to my phone and my email and always doing for everyone and That focus.
My twin.
Well, that focus was just outwardly. I wasn't a people pleaser at home. I thought that, well, by default, you guys need to sacrifice with me. And that's how I treated my wife and kids at times. Hey, we're all in this together. We're going to make these sacrifices. And before you know it, it's been three years and everybody's tired of sacrificing for work and everything else. So that's just about getting out of balance. And I think that we talked a lot previously about trying to get in balance. So, we knew for a long time, we saw that coming. But I also, because of the cash flow situation and the insurance adjusting industry, I had to stay hustling. I had to stay hustling until everything finally caught up.
Yeah, yeah. And when you have 10, 11, 12 mouths to feed, I mean, that's a lot, right? There's a lot of pressure. I was having an outward conversation with a CEO, more on a personal level, but talking about the pressure that you feel at the beginning of the month when you have employees that you know you're responsible for them and their families, and then you've got a family and like that pressure that you feel, right, that we've got to make the sacrifice, we got to go, go, go, right. And then not having that development yet, right? Because you're getting there. I'm like, we got to share with them the book that you read on boundaries, but you know, not having those, that skill set yet. Right. Um, and then now everything's unraveling, kind of unraveling around you. Um, but I know you, and I know you well enough to know now that this is not the end, right? TJ where is, got a plan and he's, you know, obviously you're working on yourself and I'm sure Jackie's probably working on herself too, right? She's smart woman and she's going to, you know, it's interesting. I've listened to you own it, right? Own, hey, this is what I did wrong. What did you do right?
You know, I think that... You raised 10 kids.
You know, that's somewhat relative.
Sure. Right. Compared to my upbringing, there's a lot of things that I feel like I did right. But some of my kids might argue with you at this point in their life. Sure.
You know, I especially the teenagers.
Yes.
I think that I have been passionate, and I've had integrity and I've stood up for the things that I believed in. And I've given my children that example in life. And I like to serve others and do nonprofit work. and try to change the world for good. And when it comes to that, I also feel like my journey is just beginning. And to be honest with you, like after going to war, you know, I kind of burned up my 20s just putting myself back together. And so here I am at 39. You know, really, I basically retired in August. I've worked an hour a week since August. And thank God I have the ability to do so. So part of that's because I worked so damn hard the last few years, which I finally like got to where I, I arrived where I wanted to financially, but without everything that was important to me, you know, and so that's definitely taking things for granted, but you know, I, um, am able to do a lot of new things. I can, you know, I can, I can do any venture I want right now. And so, I'm just choosing, first and foremost, who I want to work with. And second, which industry can I involve myself in that's the most scalable without throwing my balance off too much.
Too much, yeah. So, let's talk about how you're going to move forward. You've got your personal development that you've got going on right now. There have to be days that are hard.
Yeah, there are hard days. And I tell people that they ask me how I'm doing. I say I'm doing good. But, you know, some days are better than others. You know, I get my kids back on Thursday morning. We're filming this on a Thursday. So, I just dropped my kids off at eight a.m. today. You know, I had I had a full day on my schedule. So, I'm good. Right. And I'm focused on getting things done. But maybe some of those days where I don't have anything on the schedule, Thursday and Friday, and all my friends are busy doing something else, it can get a little bit lonely. I mean, I've been surrounded by my kids my entire adult life. I've basically grown up with some of them. I've been married longer than I have the majority of my life. So, there are definitely really hard days, but I will say that it's gotten a lot easier. You know, we separated back in June, and it was about two months was really, really tough. Yeah. Really tough.
Yeah. Your life just flipped completely upside down.
Yeah. And, um, honestly, uh, just in the sake of transparency, because I think it's good to encourage people to pursue mental health. Um, it wasn't until I got on Wellbutrin. that I was able to really get focused on putting myself back together. And it's been, you know, a decade or more since I've been on antidepressants because I got my pilot's license in 2010 and I had, I had weaned myself off of all the medication that VA had prescribed to me. So, I haven't been on anything like that since 2010, it's been 13 years, but I don't think I'll be on it forever. I think that I had a really rough time, you know, with the initial separation, and it took a little bit of something extra to allow me to be able to focus on my own recovery.
You know, I, my producer, Carleen, which you met her earlier, um, has a very unique, um, situation in her life. Her husband had, um, a stroke. I think it's been eight, nine years ago now. She's solely his caretaker. They've been married, I don't know, 40 years, probably somewhere in that range. And, um, we've had this conversation about the antidepressants and, you know, having the ability to be able to cope with things that are going on.
My counselor calls it air conditioning for the brain. I love it. Yeah. I thought that was a really cool way to put it. Um, does it take your feelings or your emotions away? No. Does it bring them down to a manageable level for me at hands? Yeah.
Yeah. Well, and sometimes when we have that, you've got that very dynamic, very big personality. And when you walk in a room, I mean, you know TJ wears hair, like when TJ walks in the room and having that, I call it pressure sometimes because that is some pressure, right? And your brain has got to be going a mile a minute, a hundred times a day, like all day long. And so having, I love it, air conditioning for the brain, I do.
I like it because that, and also being able to regulate your, your nervous system. Um, because sometimes when my mind is going a mile a minute, uh, and it can start to cause me anxiety, I'll realize that I'm breathing slow and shallow. Uh, or, or short breaths instead of deep, long breaths. And that's activating your nervous system. It's saying, go into that fight or flight mode. And that's where your brain is. And so, you're thinking is in your amygdala, not in your prefrontal cortex, where your logic comes from. And so physiologically I'm learning to change the way that I behave, and it has improved my thinking skills so much. That's powerful. Well, yeah. For someone like me, I'm like, well, wait, I'm onto something now. Yeah. That's powerful. Yeah. So, um, I really appreciate the good things that I've taken from this because they're going to impact me positively for the rest of my life.
Yeah, a hundred percent. So, you know, our show is everything is up, right? And while there will probably be some darker days, right, there is light at the end of the tunnel, right? There is this positive upswing that you are taking away from this.
You know, I'm going to say there's going to be a lot of bright days with a few clouds to pass over.
I like it. I like it. Yeah. You know me, I've got balloons, too. So those balloons fly in those clouds. I like the balloons.
Now, did you see my daughter's balloon video series? I did. On TikTok. I love it. It probably has 60 or 70 million views.
It's crazy.
But if you want to collaborate on that, because I've been going to the Dollar Tree and buying 100 balloons at a time. That's crazy. We're about due for another big viral video. And I'm going to kick off Some new social media stuff. I'm really intensely this year.
I'm fine.
Yeah. I mean, this is where it's at media has changed. It's in the hands of everybody and anybody now anybody who wants to work at producing content like this Yeah, absolutely. I love it and I love content.
And so, we should collaborate we should yeah, that would be fun and you're close to me now, so I like it.
Yeah, if we get 50 million views on another video and I tag your balloon shop, you know, it can't be a bad thing.
Oh, heck no. I'll take that all day every day. So well, so what is what is. If TJ is going to give some life advice to our audience, knowing where you were eight months ago and where you are today, what would you tell him?
Go to therapy.
Go to therapy, guys. Really? No, I don't disagree. I don't, you know, there are people that are out there that say, you know, I'm fine. I'm fine. Are we really fine? Absolutely.
Because, you know, do you have the same problem that I have in my life? No. But to you, is your problem significant? Of course, it is.
Right. Yeah. Well, and there is a problem that all of us are dealing with. And that is really why I was like, we've got to do a follow-up TJ, because you know, life gets in the way. Right. And things just start happening. And then you have this spiral that happens. Right. And, and then we're all reeling from it, but I've watched you on social media, gracefully be transparent. And I've watched you not fall apart. Right. So, I was like, you have got so much to share with our audience about, yes. Was my life perfect? No, not. I mean, none of us. Come on guys. Right. Let's be, let's be real. We do not have perfect lives. There is something somewhere, probably more than one thing going on all the time in our lives that are not perfect. Yeah. Right. Um, but it's how you handle it.
You also have to remember social media is posting what we want everyone to see. So don't think that there weren't those days where I was curled up in a ball on the floor crying. I just wasn't live streaming that because I just couldn't handle that. And there was a patch where I did post a lot less and it was probably where I had a lot of darker days. And I want to be transparent, but I want to be like a force of good and encouragement for people. And so, once I was back in a healthy enough mindset, I began to push more on social media, and I try to take the high road and I try to be transparent and I'm going to continue to do the best I can to be encouraging to others.
You know, the beauty of all of that is you're not going to be in this place forever, right? And when you look back and look at how you handled it, and when your kids look back and look at how you handled it, your integrity has stayed intact.
Listen, I haven't handled everything great so far. I've had my failures and judgment, but all I can do is get up every day and do the best that I can.
Yeah.
And that's, if you've seen the book, The Four Agreements, I've read it three times this year. Ooh, guys, you heard that right. It's an amazing book, The Four Agreements. And that is the fourth agreement is do your best every day.
Do your best every day. Yeah. Well, I can see being in a mindset, right? Angry, mad at the world, mad at God, you know, and just be like, it's very difficult to do your best every day when you're in that mindset. But you don't have to be in that mindset, right? That's a choice.
That is absolutely a choice. Happiness is largely a choice. I've read a couple of books specifically on happiness and I've learned that there are basic components to human happiness, and you can pursue those things. And I have worked on those things. Happiness is a choice. And I had my fill of the darkness and I said, this isn't who I want to be moving forward. And I will do everything that I can to try to stay in the right mindset.
Yeah. I had a dark moment in my life early, early. I was in my early twenties. And I remember having that epiphany of my past is not going to define my future. This where I'm at, like I'm done. I'm not going down this path anymore. And it was a choice, truly a choice of, you know, I've had somebody tell me once happiness is a happening. It's like a, like a happening. Right. But joy, if you can ever find joy, happiness is always happening. Right. And so, I just started seeking joy. Like how do I create joy? Balloon company. I walk in with joy every day. Right. So, I'm like, how do I surround myself with nothing but sheer joy?
You know, and there are a million different ways that you can make that happen in your life. One way that I try to remind myself is gratitude. Gratitude. If you will just try to be in a place of gratitude and think about the things that you're thankful for, it's really hard to be grateful and be in a negative mindset.
I don't think it's possible. I don't think it is. I don't think it is. I think I read somewhere, and I don't, recall where, but I think I read at a physiological level, your brain cannot do two things simultaneously.
Well, I think that when it comes to gratitude, I would agree. And, but that's kind of like a little trick that you can employ in your own mind. What should I focus my thoughts on? Right. And all too often, uh, we are focusing our thoughts on that thing that we're obsessing over and worried about. And that's the worst thing that we can ever do. And that was one of the things about happiness is that most of the things that we worry about never come to fruition and worrying about them never did us any good.
Right. Or in five years, you're not even going to remember it.
Well, that's something that my counselor told me early on in this divorce was that most of these things that you're upset about right now, down the road, you're not going to care about any of these things. And she's already proven to be very right. And so, I've just stepped back and looked at a bigger and bigger picture instead of being too focused in on the details of this or that.
Yeah, I think we do. We tend to hyper focus. I do. I do. I mean, I'm like that. I find that one thing and then I obsess and I hyper focus on it. And that's that law of attraction, right? So, you keep thinking about that one thing. Guess what's going to keep happening?
That is true.
Yeah, right. So, I'm like that. My favorite thing around here in the office is do not put that out in the universe. Please do not put that out in the universe. Because my fear is my brain hears that being said, or my brain hears that thought because then that's all it knows, right?
And I will be hyper-attuned to any opportunity that leads me to that objective. And that's something that I was trying to explain to a friend of mine yesterday, who's going through a similar situation as me. You know, he says, I can't do this. I can't do it. You can do anything you want. You can do anything. And if you will focus on it, then, you know, you will bring it to fruition. At least that's the way that my mind naturally works. And so, I see like other people might look at it and say, oh, how lucky all of these things fell together for you. No, my mind and my consciousness has been seeking the path to this result. And so, I'm hyper attuned to anything that could lead me to that, even if it's out of the box.
Yeah, there is a lot of science to support that, that your brain has the power to create situations. And it's just, I love it.
I believe that more than I ever have. And I like today, I feel like I could accomplish any objective, anything that I set my mind and attention to.
Yeah, that's exciting. So, let's talk about the kids really quickly. Right. They're watching. Right. We all know any of us who have raised any kids at all. It's not what you say. It's what you do. Right. Because they're they never listen to us anyway. Right. So, this is about they're watching you. What do you want them to take away from this entire situation?
Well, honestly, I want them to learn better communication skills and boundaries before they go into lifelong relationships. I think that's very important. And had we employed those things early on in our relationship or known to, I think that we probably would have had a better and happier marriage.
So any chance we get you to write a book on how to have 10 kids and how to have a marriage, right? And you know, that whole, this is what I could have done better just to kind of help some of us down the path.
I've got some books in me.
I know you do.
Yeah. I wrote one in 2020 and I haven't published it. Um, It was a strange experience. I wrote 22,000 words over four days. Wow. Okay. It was ready.
Right out of the brain.
It was like this for like all day long. And by day four, you know, Jackie's like, are you going to do anything else?
Like I'm almost done.
Yeah. Um, and so I've got some more books in me and at the right time, you know, I'll share what I can hopefully. And it'll be, it'll be a good thing. I hope.
Yeah, I mean, I think you have a lot to share with our world and that self-help of, this is what I did. This is what I did wrong. This is what I could have done better. And I see that book coming from you.
That would be cool. And I'm enough of a data-focused person where hopefully I could actually piece together something that could help people and have the information there to support it.
Yeah, without a doubt, without a doubt. So I will not keep you much longer because I do know you have a full day ahead of you. I just wanted to thank you so much for, you know, and it's fun to get to do it in studio because I don't get to do that very often. So I'm very excited to have you here in the studio and, you know, I want you to keep us posted, right? So that we can keep everybody up to date here. Best way to get in touch with you now. So let's say somebody is like going through a similar situation and they just wanted to reach out. How do they get a hold of you?
You know, really Facebook, TJ Ware hit me up on Facebook, shoot me a message. I checked my other message box pretty frequently because a lot of people reach out for all sorts of different things. So please feel free to reach out to me and we can connect. And I appreciate you and I appreciate your audience.
Well, thank you so much. All right, everybody, this is Tammera and TJ Ware with Everything is Up. Have a great day.
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