In episode 46 of Everything is Up, Tammera Hollerich interviews Brett Boone, a successful real estate entrepreneur and a man with an extraordinary story of recovery. Brett discusses his lifelong struggle with drugs and alcohol, revealing that he has been under the influence for more than 50% of his life. But despite his challenges, Brett managed to turn his life around and create a successful future for himself.
Tune in for an inspiring journey of hope towards recovery and resilience.
TIMESTAMPS
[00:02:18] Addiction and Recovery.
[00:06:08] Middle School and Peer Pressure.
[00:10:07] Substitute for Love
[00:13:06] Belonging and Tribal Survival.
[00:19:21] Overcoming Addiction and Rock Bottom.
[00:21:08] Morning Routine and Discipline.
[00:25:24] Evolving Team Dynamics and Growth.
[00:28:38] Constant Improvement.
[00:38:11] The Importance of Tribal Connection.
[00:41:05] Bad Parents Becoming Good Grandparents.
[00:47:05] Building Strong Parent-Child Relationships.
[00:50:15] Prioritizing for a Successful Future.
[00:54:00] Starting Small for Big Changes.
[00:57:14] Reaching Out to Successful People.
In this episode, Tammera Hollerich and Brett Boone talk about the importance of belief in oneself and the power of discipline. Brett emphasizes the significance of having a clear mindset, setting goals, and developing a routine that includes exercise, self-care, and personal development.
Additionally, Tammera and Brett discuss the role of coaching and mentorship in personal and professional growth. Brett shares his experience of working with coaches and the importance of being open to their guidance and advice. He emphasizes the need for individuals to take responsibility for their own growth and to actively seek solutions to their problems. Thus, emphasizing the need for parents to prioritize their children's emotional well-being and to provide guidance and support.
QUOTES
SOCIAL MEDIA LINKS
Tammera Hollerich
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TammeraHollerich
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tammerahollerich/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thollerich/
Brett Boone
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bboone83
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/brett-boone-7b0a1611/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/agent_boone/
WEBSITES
Everything Is Up: https://everything-is-up.simplecast.com/
Tammera Hollerich: https://tammerahollerich.com/
Brett Boone Real Estate Team: https://www.brettboone.com/
Welcome to everything is up a podcast about the real life stories of people who have created extraordinary levels of success These are conversations with people who are constantly striving to take things to the next level And now here's your host
Good morning, and welcome to Everything Is Up with Tamara. Joining me today is Brett Boone. Brett, thank you so much for joining me. And I've been real excited about having you on the podcast. Your story is amazing, and I can't wait for our audience to hear it. So thank you very much for joining us this morning.
My pleasure. Thanks for having me, and it's great to meet you.
So Brett, you're in Oklahoma City, correct?
That's correct. Our office is in Edmond, but yes, Oklahoma, just a little north of Oklahoma City.
I love Edmond. That's such a sweet little place. It's a suburb pretty much of Oklahoma City on the north side, right?
You got it.
Yeah. So were you in Oklahoma City when the Oklahoma City bombing happened years ago?
I was in Edmond and we had a school
uh trip that day downtown and it got canceled because of this uh we were getting ready to get on the bus to go downtown so i remember it vividly yeah it was in third grade i was gonna say in third grade and you remember where you were because that was it was pretty impactful i mean for the midwest having that that thing happen um and of all places oklahoma city right so um so are were you born and raised in oklahoma
My whole life, absolutely.
Nice, Midwest. I love it. OK, so your story is very unique, but I do think there's more and more of it happening. I just don't think as many people recover or are able to pull themselves out to the level in which you have pulled yourself out. So why don't you share with us kind of what I'm alluding to?
Yeah, so I mean, we're talking about addiction, which is a tremendous, you know, it's been, I'll be 41 this year, and I did the math and I've been since I've been alive, I've probably been under the influence of drugs and alcohol more than 50% of my life. Um, I started drinking whenever I was, um, 13 years old and, um, just out of curiosity. Um, and it was a great way to cope with, uh, I wasn't doing well in school at a very young age. Um, I mean, in third, fourth grade, I was getting C's, which was like, you shouldn't be getting those types of grades when you're that young. And it's very rare. And then when middle school came, yeah, I started 13, 14, 15. And then high school, by the time I was in high school, I was a full-fledged alcoholic by the time I was 15. And on top of that, smoking a lot of drugs, pills, anything I could get my hands on. And it really took over. And looking back on it, I'm able to kind of go back and look at the reasons why and all the therapy and counseling I've been through. I've been able to go back and really identify what was causing this and why people, why I was drinking, but it helps me understand other people, why they started drinking at such a young age. And for me, it was to kind of relieved the pressure from, you know, I was slipping behind in school. My grades were dropping and I had more fun. I was making easy decisions, which was go have fun, go drink, hang out with your friends because it was immediate satisfaction, immediate gratification. But then I was putting off my homework. I was putting off my, my, my schooling and it got to a point where once you're in high school and you start dropping behind, pretty far and you don't understand the stuff. So it wasn't like I understood it and didn't do it. I wasn't understanding. I was taking, you know, my senior year, I was taking eighth grade algebra my senior year. So I was taking middle school level algebra introduction to algebra whenever I'm 18 years old trying to get out of high school. So like I wasn't just being lazy. I was so far behind that that was where a lot of kids get caught is No matter how much time, energy and effort, they literally have to drop everything and hire a full-time tutor to be able to just get them caught up to the level of education so they understand how to get to that next level. By the time I was a freshman in high school, I was so far behind that I didn't even understand what was coming at me, especially when it came to English, proper grammar, writing, sentences, essays, thesis, anything like that. I just couldn't put it together. Math. Math is a formula. Math is a system and a process that once you understand it, you can follow it. I was so far behind. It was just numbers floating across my mind. I had no idea. That's where a lot of the, I don't know if I answered your question, but yeah, that was kind of my childhood and elementary school, middle school and high school, whenever the addiction really started and really just took a hold of me. But looking back on, I kind of understood why, um, it's kind of numbing from, you know, this inevitable, you know, you're not going to graduate is whenever kind of the whole thing, kind of the bricks kind of fell down was, you know, the reality hit me. I knew it was there, but when you have a teacher saying breath, you're not going to graduate high school and you're way, way, way far behind. I knew I was, but nobody ever really said it. When I did, I was like, oh, you know, my world kind of came falling down on me a little bit.
Yeah, interesting. You know, it's interesting that you can pinpoint it to those, you know, early, early teen years. Middle school is probably, you know, anybody who has ever had a long conversation with me about middle schoolers, I think they are the worst people on the planet. They are just so difficult. I mean, they're trying to find who they are, right? So, But there's also a lot of peer pressure at that age. And one of the things I read about you in the research and kind of self-proclaimed is you're incredibly competitive. Yes. You know, when you have that competitive spirit like that, and I know for me, it's, I'm an all or nothing, um, kind of person with, because it's, it's like win at all costs or do your best at all costs. Failure is not an option, even though most of my lessons have been failing forward. But I think when you already have that tendency where you're hyper-competitive, there's a lot of peer pressure, and then you're in middle school. I can see where that could very easily become a problem. Thinking about our audience and a lot of the people that listen to the podcast have kids and some of them with this teenage, middle-age, middle-teen paying attention. I mean, the internet has so much influence now. How do you think that plays into, and did you even have that influence back then as much as what you think it might be here today?
Yeah, no, I didn't even get, you know, an email address much less social media unt I just didn't have a use social pressure for me. It group. It was at school, And I was always a kind of a class clown, a funnier guy, a lot of energy, acting out. And, you know, when you're that age, the most important thing to most teenagers is how you appear to your friends. Yeah. Yeah. How you look. And that was the one thing that I could always rely on was I was the guy who had drugs. So if you needed drugs, you came to me. That's where that's one thing that made me feel good because people would come to me with a need. And, you know, I've made friends that way. And it just, it, it, I wanted to be liked. And that's something that a lot of people, especially when they're younger, they're not aware, they're subconscious running that. They don't know why they're doing these things. But now, today, with the social media and the access to it and the lack of parenting. Um, it's easy a device and just turn it me nuts because there's l to this. And a lot of di things that can develop wh not just on to impress yo around you so you can be But when you're comparing yourself to the endless sea of content creators, I mean, I read something the other day that said the number one desire for kids like under 20 if they had a job or to be able to make income was to be a social media influencer. It was like number one that children these days are looking for. And that is completely designed around, like, why would anybody want to do that? It's not that they're like a production person that wants to create movies and, you know, be this. They just want the social credit. They want to have the wow, the look at me, I'm important. And all of these things, when you really kind of condense it down to its root, it all is a substitute for love. At the end of the day, what we're looking for is that love and that care. And if they're not getting it in the household because the parents are giving them a device and they go online and they see a fake person that's covered in makeup and filters and they're getting a thousand likes, 10,000 likes, and they're making money. Like if you're a kid, like that's so appealing. Yeah, they want to be that person, but they have no idea the work, the time, the effort, the back end. They don't have any idea about that. And it's like this drug that they're chasing is how can I get as much social validation as possible? And what I find is whenever I have a lot of clients and friends and families that I talked to that that really parent very, very well. And when they have a really well put together home where the parents are very present or with their children, they're, they're asking the questions that are not letting them drift off into this kind of, you know, this, this, this other place, black hole. Yeah, they don't have the social media, they have that love, they have that, that I'm good enough, they have that, you know, what other people think about me is not important. That's not really taught these days. And so when I have seen plenty of parents that do very good jobs and their kids are they're completely different, but you got to be present, you got to be on point, you have to talk to them about these things and what it means and that you're good enough and that you know you're getting love here and and when you see these other people going out and they're getting all these likes and they're really pushing who's popular on social media and you know so and so got this like that is it's very toxic and it's I can see how it would be very Adults do it. I mean, golly. Yeah, I mean, it's a drug. They want that validation, but they need to when you understand the root of it. Why am I wanting this? It's usually because they're lacking somewhere else in their life that they're not getting that validation. They're not getting that love. They're not getting there's a hole in the relationship that they're not working on. And so this is a fast, cheap, easy way to get a very quick acting and not long lasting dopamine hit of love is what they're trying to get. They're not even aware that they're trying to get that. They're checking their phone. How many likes did I get? How many likes did I get? Like all of a sudden they're going to have a better day or a worse day. It's, it's, you know, it's like doing, it's very cheap and it's, it's a cheap form of quality love, um, that they're really looking for.
It's that dopamine hit. You know, it's interesting. I'm sitting here thinking as you're talking one of the primal think, think about primal instincts of survival, right? It's belonging to the tribe and it's, it is so, instinct in who we are as humans. It's part of our survival. Think, if you've got a baby and you just leave it out in the wilderness, it's going to sit and cry, hoping somebody comes to get it, or it's going to get eaten. Part of our basic survival is to belong to the tribe and not be ousted or ostracized within the tribe. You said it when you said this fake people on the back end. I made that comment. I was having lunch with a podcast guest yesterday and we were talking about who is actually sitting and praying and the things that they're saying and the things that they're doing. Also at 13, 14, 15, they don't have the cognitive ability yet, because that part of their brain is not completely developed, to actually even understand that that might not actually be real on the other end of what you're talking to.
One of the things that I was told was people never compare your insides to other people's outsides.
Ah, that's a great statement.
They're looking at the exterior of another person and comparing it to who they are inside. And there's always a disconnect. You're never enough. You're never good enough. You're never going to be able to fulfill that. And it's not a good structure or framework to move through the world. It will lead to disappointment and devastation every time. There's no end to it. There's no more.
So talk to me a little bit about, so here you are fixing to not graduate from high school. Um, obviously, I mean, you now have this incredibly successful real estate business and, um, your routine daily is beyond. I mean, I read through your routine and was like, Well, I only wish I could do half of that. I just don't have I don't have that discipline. But you have got this incredible amount of discipline. How did you go from fixing to not graduate now to this incredibly successful real estate business? Partly, I know, because partly, you know, part of what you've said is I was trying to run a business while I was, you know, under the influence until the day I actually figured out that was not going to be it. And then your business just took off once you got it together. Where was that? Where was that jump? How did you pull yourself out of it?
So there was a couple of things. One is, so before I got into real estate, I was waiting tables at a restaurant. That's what I did before I got into real estate, got my license. That was 2004, 2005. And I was approached by some people that I was waiting on that said, you should get into real estate. So I had a moment where I went to my local Keller Williams that was right up the street from my office. I was able to see they keep all the records public of who made what per month, like what their volume was and how much commission they made. There was a guy that I'm still good friends with today, his name is Shelby Cummings, and he had made like $400,000 back in 2008, and I was just like, wow. First piece was like, I had to believe in what I was going to be doing, and if I saw that somebody else had done something like that, I was making like $30,000 a year waiting tables, and then I see the next day I'm at a real estate office. So being able to see the proof of concept that someone else had done it, I was like, okay, so if I can make a fourth of that, I'm a 3x, 4x where I am right now. So I was like, okay, if I do a fraction of that, I'm good. So I got my real estate license, started getting into real estate, and what I found was pretty quickly is I slowly over time and incrementally started adding things to my routine until I was able to get it really dialed in where it's today. So the first was just the belief that there is like, I have to be excited when I wake up, bring that positive energy that, hey, I'm going to go do something. There's an opportunity here. And it started off really simple with just making my daily calls. So I've been like a, like religious about lead generation because it was really ingrained into me at the very beginning. I didn't have leads. I didn't have everybody to call. So I called for sell by owners and expired listings. And that was my entire business for the first five years. That's all I did. And I knew I knew that if I wanted to get out of waiting tables, but I had to develop the discipline. So I knew that your energy is the highest in the morning. That's whenever you do the most important thing in your business is the very beginning of the day because your energy is the highest your focus is most dialed in. So I started off with having 20 conversations a day. I might have to dial 60 or 70 to speak to 20, but that was my formula. And that was kind of my first experience with discipline. And then I was also drinking very heavily. I was a full-blown alcoholic. I didn't quit until 2015. So I got my license in 2008. So 2008 to 2015, I was doing real estate full-time and I was doing, I mean, drinking a liter of vodka a day. I mean, I couldn't go a day, one day without out from the age of 13 to I think it was 32 whenever I overdosed. I had alcohol in my system every single day mixed with marijuana pills. And then the weekend it was always cocaine was my my my drug of choice. And I knew that I got to a point where I was kind of managing both of these things where I was, I was growing my real estate business and I was also kind of at a cap. How much time and energy I can focus where I'm clear minded, where I'm actually thinking about my business. I'd come in on Monday and I'm just like, my head's pounding. I need to just make my calls and leave the office for the day. And it was just not getting to a breaking point. And whenever I overdosed in 2015, I overdosed in my house on cocaine at eight o'clock in the morning. I've been up for like 15 hours straight. And I had a toxic shock. I collapsed in my bathroom, had a seizure, woke up at a moment where I decided that was it. This was it. There's a whole bunch of backstory about my wife being with me and almost losing her and waking up every day, hungover, apologizing, blacking out, not knowing what happened the day before, you know, court dates. You know, I've been in, you know, on probation with court dates my whole life, just in different counties, attorneys, lawyers. I almost did five years in prison for assault and battery on a police officer. I've got two plates in my jaw from a broken jaw that was completely ripped off and had my mouth wired shut for three months. You know, so there's a whole big backstory of me being in and out of prison for a long time. I get to this point where I overdose in my house whenever I'm 32 years old and I think I have a handle on this. I'm making decent money in real estate. I think I was probably at that point making 350, 360. I was under 400K that I was able to make and manage these two things. I was trying to get to do over 100 transactions. The year that I quit in 2015 and 2016, I went from 95 transactions to 173 the next year. So I almost doubled my business and all it took was the focus. So the discipline was very easy to start stacking those after I was clear because I wasn't able to become clear and start focusing everything on my business and on myself and on my family. It was. Drinking came first, and then I just managed everything else the best I could. When this dropped, I was able to optimize every other aspect of my life. And I found that by doing exercise and working out first thing in the morning, because I used to work out at 5 o'clock in the afternoon with a trainer, and it would get in my work schedule. And I knew, hey, that's an inefficiency that I don't need. I'm going to move everything to the morning. So I'm up at 4, 430 every morning. And I go to the gym, and I work out, or I go boxing with my boxing coach. And, um, I found that this schedule works well for me to get me in the right mindset in the morning when nobody's awake. I'm on the highway driving to where the gym or my box. It's pitch dark outside. It's 4 30. Nobody's right. Yeah, I've got a head start on the day. I get my workout in, I'm getting my clarity on what I need to do for the day, I'm getting my checklist done, I'm getting changed, I'm showered, and I'm at my office, at my desk, no later than 7am every single day, and I'm dialed in. I've been up for 3 and a half, 4 hours by 7 o'clock, so it's like lunch for me almost. Yeah, so I try to answer your question like the discipline did not just show up. It was stacked, stacked on top of each other by making little tiny adjustments. You know, just I fast every I found that I don't eat until lunchtime and dinner. That was something that I found that I had lower energy whenever I eat a big breakfast. I love breakfast, but when I eat a big breakfast, I'm a little sluggish, so I don't eat breakfast. I fast. I eat lunch and I eat dinner. Always work out in the morning. Always do my meditation. All my self-care is done in the morning, and it's very important because that self-care gets my mindset right. When you feel good and you look good and you're taking care of your mind, you're taking care of your body, you're taking care of your education, and all that's done before 7 o'clock in the morning. now you're set up for a d at my, I wear a whoop stra my, you know, my heart ra this morning I had a reco gym. I burned 1100 calor I mean, I was, I was al I would imagine. Yeah. Yea that intense, but I get d this huge dopamine rush a up and ready to go. And my energy's high and my attitude's right, and I'm able to pour that, bring that to my people every day because I can't be a Debbie Downer is what I call it. I got to be the guy who's always bringing the energy so when other people are down, I can help bring them up. So all ships rise with the tide. And so we can't have anybody sinking or whatever. So I've got to be the guy who brings that energy because If I'm not and I'm still drinking and managing that I'm hung over all that energy bleeds into my team and it just brings everything down. And there's the respect gets lost. It's just not a good place. So I'm not only responsible. It helps me. I'm responsible to my team to be able to uplift them and bring that energy. And if I don't have it. then it's hard for them. I need to be like intoxicating to other people. I want them to grab onto that energy and ride the lightning with me. So it's very important also in a leadership role because you don't feel great every day. But I do most days. I'm very controlling of the thoughts that I have and what I allow those thoughts to do. or whether I allow them to grab hold and have take power over me, or do I need to let them go? And how I manage the problems has probably been my biggest thing is change the way you look at things and the things you look at change. So it's all about mindset. So I just, I don't look at the problems that I used to have the same way. I don't let them affect me the same way that they used to. So kind of answering your question about discipline, did that kind of get there?
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You know, you talk about your team. How long did it take? I mean, obviously, your team knows the backstory, and they've been with you, you know, obviously. How long Or was it difficult to gain that respect from your team, knowing that this was really the situation? Change is just hard for everybody, especially when it's the leader that's making these changes. When we have small businesses, and not that yours is small, you're pretty successful, but we're not talking about Amazon here, right? When and you're very present for your team, how did your team respond to all of this that was going on?
Yeah, so since I've been sober, you know, it's been just over nine years now, I've had different iterations of my team. So all of the people who are with me now were not with me back then. And a lot of that was just top grading. Whenever people were not working out or they went in another direction, I was able to always replace it with somebody that was I guess, a higher skill and talent level. And so a lot of that had to do with me. You're only going to attract what you put out. And so if you look at me right whenever I got sober, I was a totally different person. And then two years later, I'm a different person. Two years later, every two years, I kind of shed my skin and a new person kind of walks through because you're always evolving. And what naturally happened, it wasn't very, A lot of effort was put into it. It naturally occurred. I started attracting higher caliber, higher talented people because my mindset shifted and the people that were coming that wanted to work here, uh, they were wanting. To work with somebody who had their all of this stuff worked out. So, as I was working it out now, you know, it's very difficult to come work here. My standards have changed and that's the 1 thing that's very clear for me is I always say when your standards are clear, your decisions are easy. And so I look back at myself nine years ago and I'm like, man, why did I, like, why was I doing that? Like, I'm a different person than I was then versus now, even whenever I was initially sober. So as I evolve and change and grow personally, I started attracting higher quality and higher talent, you know, more talented people. So the people that I have here now, I mean, they're all very high income earners. If you know, they, they, then they expect nothing less that they're, you know, they got people that are coming from other industries where they're making three, $400,000 a year. And then they're going to come over here. Like I better have my stuff together. You know, they're not going to come over here. If I don't have a game plan and have a path to success. And I just didn't have that back then. It was, yeah, come in and make your calls. Let's get some deals done. And, you know, I'll give you a path. But as I've changed, my leadership has grown. I've just attracted a whole different tribe of people that their standards are there because the people that I would have hired nine years ago. they wouldn't make it a w we've changed. Yeah, we'v and so we're always, I ca process has changed the p my hiring process. I kno a lot better ways. I've t and behavioral assessments and what to look for and what to avoid and how to do corrective behavior whenever you have somebody who might not be succeeding to their potential. What do those conversations look like? I handle those conversations much more effectively now than I did even, you know, seven, eight years ago. And again, I was sober. I was clear minded. I just didn't have the tools and I wasn't equipped and having the time on task to learn these skills. And so it's just this evolution of just always improving. The Japanese have a a saying or a quote called Kaizen, K-A-I-Z-E-N, and it roughly translates to constant improvement. You know, one of their national, I don't know if it's their national, but what's it called? Uh, lik one of their like really is a butterfly and the re a butterfly only flies fo and it can't fly back. Y and coming from a Japanese a lot of these different in constant, constant improvement. And then the butterfly, it can only move forward, kind of like a shark. A shark can only move forward in the water. They'll die if they just stay stagnant, or if they go backwards, they have to move forward. So that's how I've treated my career is just continuing to sharpen the knives day after day, constant improvement, never settling, having such a big goal out there that these little problems, you just run over them because you're thinking so big and so far out that these little problems that kind of come at you every day, I just wipe those things out. Those things used to tear me up and take all day in a week and really get me riled up. And now it's like, nope, we got bigger things to move on to.
Bigger things to move on to. I am a huge proponent of professional development, personal and professional development. And that doesn't come without effort, obviously, because that's really what you've been kind of sitting here talking about the last three or four minutes is that constant improvement, both professionally and personally. I think sometimes we have people that are hyper-focused either on their professional development and forget their personal development, or they work on their personal development and forget about the professional. Balance, I think, lacks in a lot. I think a lot of people struggle with having that somewhat balance of being able to know what you need. You have said that you work with coaches. How important do you think it is to work with a coach and not try to figure it out all on your own?
I had a coach almost on, I mean, the first year I was in real estate and I started, I didn't have any money. I was broke, but I found a coach that was out of state in Colorado that would hold me accountable. He was like 250 bucks a month. It was a 30 minute phone call once a week. And I immediately found that I everybody's different on how they respond to coaching. And this is kind of my advice is I can't it drives me nuts when people get a coach and they don't like the way that they say things. They might be a little hard, a little aggressive, and then they discount the message. it's so self-sabotaging to do to act and behave that way. They didn't say it the way I want them to and I don't think whatever it is. So having a coach is humbling and it also keeps you on track if you really want to grow. And the people who do it's very uncomfortable to have someone get on the phone and tell you that you're failing and you're not doing that what you need to do. But if you receive the message the way that will have the greatest im is not to judge the messa to come in, allow it to h to think about it, digest going to be truth in the like the truth is what us truth there. And if you'r the message and it's not The other thing that I found that was very important is not just getting a coach in having the mindset of, I'm going to show up on the call with no prep work. No, I'm not ready. I'm just now sitting down three minutes before my call and I'm like, what are we working on today, coach? That is a horrible way to go through coaching. I've had some very expensive coaches before. And one of the things that I learned from the higher tier coaches, the higher you go, they kind of correlate where how much money you're spending in the level of their abilities and how well they've earned that income through performance is they said, you know, I remember one coach, he was like, so what does this program look like? And he was like, we don't have a program. I don't have a syllabus that we're going to follow. I'm not taking you through a program. I'm going to be here for you. And every week, you got to show up and bring what you want to work on. That changed everything for me, because I have to show up and be prepared and prepped of what content we're going to cover. Where are my blind spots? Where are my weaknesses? Where do I need to improve? Not showing up to the call saying, what are we doing today, coach? Tell me what to do. because it's not long term. Whenever you're developing the skill of self analysis and then going to a mentor or coach and bringing those problems saying I need your guidance and your advice, but here's what I brought. Here's what I think about it. Here's what I've tried to solve. Here's how I process this. Here's how I've tried to fix this. What do you think about that? That's a much more impactful way, but it teaches you how to think and it teaches you how to problem solve on your own and not rely on someone to just say I don't know what to do. tell me what to do. That's detrimental to your learning and your long-term personal growth and development.
You need to have that skill. Yeah, 100%. I think one of the things that I have noticed a lot, probably really the last 5-10 years, is the lack of individuals That what that have the ability to problem solve let me let me say it that way that actually have the ability to actually problem solve and I don't know if it's that it's not being taught problem solving is not being taught in schools it's we're hand feeding. Go through this process take this test we need federal funding not sure if that's what it is and it's just we're going through the motions at the. You know, high school middle school level and we're not actually teaching these kids so they're coming out of high school they. they don't have any discipline whatsoever. They're getting into college and failing out horribly because they don't have discipline. They don't have problem solving. So then they just don't know how to function. And then we're getting them in the workplace and pulling our hair out because we're like, Oh my gosh, where did you come from? And it's become more challenging. I think longterm, would you agree?
I would agree. And it's really sad because none of this stuff is taught in schools, and most of the parents have no idea. So once you kind of peek your head in the world of coaching and you see the ability, it changes, it teaches you how to think. And one of the things that whenever you're what you're just saying, the first thing that came to my head was like one of the first things that one of my coaches taught me was, if you have a complaint or a problem or an issue, and you're going to bring it to me, I need you to also bring two potential solutions that shows me that you've thought, you've tried, you're bringing something. They might not work, but the exercise before you come and ask me, how do I do this? you have two potential possibilities and solutions that you're going to bring to the table. You could tell that to a 10-year-old and that could affect the rest of their life. This is how when a problem happens, this is just some framework to work. So a very little bit can go a very long way when it comes to just how to, when this problem comes up, or a problem comes up, what is the process, the checklist that I go through in my head? Okay, this is the problem. What's next? It's not go ask mom and dad. It's, okay, what could I do? Okay, that's an idea. That's an idea. All right, let me rephrase this. Oh, that might not work. Then go ask, hey, what do you think about these two potential solutions? That's so simple. It is. Parents don't know that they were never taught that the kids don't know that school's not pushing that out. So what you're saying makes sense. They're like they get trained. I say they don't get intentionally trained, but that is the default. I don't know, go ask. I don't know, go ask. I don't know, go ask. And then half the time, whenever they don't want to look stupid, they don't want to raise their hand in class. They don't ask either. They got the social credit score that they got to be cool with everybody. I don't want to look like a dummy. They don't want to go ask the teacher. I don't want to be stupid. So then they self-sabotage at their own peril so they don't look you know, dumb in front of their friends. And so the whole system is rigged. It's just they don't know, they don't have the tools and they're concerned about their friends. And it all comes back down to the parenting and the schools and how to think, you know, how to think and what's categorized, what's priority, what's important. It's always, I got to be cool and be light. And you go back to like the whole, you know, survival thing. I'm a big fan of exactly what you said. You know, there was a reason through evolution that it was important to be liked by your friends. It was a survival skill because you needed the tribe to protect you. Everybody had a role. And if you're living in a cave and you're not getting along with the people you're with, the fear is you're going to get kicked out of the tribe and then a saber tooth tiger is going to kill you. You need to be with the people. The thing is, is that that that old dinosaur caveman DNA followed us all the way up to where we're at now. And we don't need it anymore. We don't. It's not. It's important to feel that love and that connection in that community. But how we're getting it is we've got all these tools and social media. It's like we're getting it the cheapest, fastest, quickest. It's like doing a bump of cocaine. It feels good for 20 minutes and then you got to go get more of it. Yeah.
Well, that and the primary family is being destroyed, I think, from the inside out. We don't have two parent families. We've got, you know, parents fighting with each other in front of kids and divorce. And, you know, it's the tribe itself is falling apart. And so what I mean, if you really put it into perspective and you sit back and you go, okay, the tribe itself is falling apart. What did we expect these kids to do? I mean, if you, if you take ownership, we are just as responsible for the tribe falling apart. Um, you know, when more than 50% of marriages end in divorce and kids are in split families and I mean, They are in a survival mode as well, trying to figure out unchartered waters. You know, this isn't I jokingly give my husband a hard time because I mean. They were both his parents were immigrants during the 50s and 60s and. an arranged marriage so that they would have a Bulgarian family, but divorce was not an option, even in an arranged marriage over here. I jokingly tease him that he had the Beaver-Cleaver life. When I say that to somebody now, they're like, who? Who's June Cleaver? They don't even understand what that analogy is. But when you go back and you look the perfect scenario, having a two-parent family, mom is there and present, dinner's on the table, everybody has dinner together, we talk. Those days just don't exist in, I would say, 95% of households. And that in itself was us imploding from the inside out.
Yep. And I was before social media and you got all your love and validation from your family. I had this. Somebody told me this. It was like right now what we're seeing is bad parents are forced to become good grandparents because they're raising their kids. The kids are having babies super young. And now that the parents are older and kind of sorted their life out, now they're taking care of the grandkids as the primary parent. I've seen that a lot, too. Yeah, it's everywhere.
Yeah.
Mom and dad have mom and dad have to take care of the baby because the kids. Yeah. So, you know, they look back and they're like, yeah, so they were they didn't do what they needed to do as a parent. They saw the consequences. And now their children are having kids and they have no ability. They literally don't have the ability. financially or the social able to take care of the know what to do when a bab know what they do. Mom an So then now you have the are now being the parents it's just this cycle that you got to break it. You got to, and it's hard to do whenever your whole life is You know, you're at the surface of the ocean and just waves are crashing all around you and you need to, it's hard to, you know, go 10 feet down and get that calm clarity. Let's move forward with a process. It's hard to even see a solution whenever there's nothing but chaos.
And you're in survival mode, right? Cause it's, you're just like, you know, Wonder Woman, biting it all off every day. Yeah.
There's nothing proactive. Your whole day's reactive.
And that's problematic in it at its very best. So I understand congratulations are in order. You have a little one yourself.
Yes, you have a little girl, Victoria. She's should be nine months on the 13th of February.
Oh, that's exciting. And I bet the love of your life.
You have no idea. Absolutely.
Nine months wrapped around your little finger already, right? Of course. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I think that that too helps, you know, once, you know, your life has been chaos and, and now you've got your, for the lack of a better word, you've got your shit together. Right. So, And now you have this little person. So a lot of this, you know, comes full circle where you now get that opportunity to go, don't do what I did, right? Let's do this a different way. That's very, I mean, so heartwarming. I mean, your story is, I say rags to riches story. Your success level is uncharted. I am so honored to have you here as my guest and for you to be able to share your story. Parting words, what advice, because you've been from the far end all the way up here into the top, What's your advice for these teenagers, young adults, who are trying to find their way? And for those parents of those young adults that are trying to help them navigate these waters, what's your advice?
So there's kind of two questions there. Make sure I answer both of them. The first one would be with the parents is, Because I experienced this firsthand and I know this will probably resonate with a lot of parents where they look at their kids and they're looking at the misbehavior, they're looking at the grades, they're looking at how they're spending the time. A lot of times there was probably a point in their life that they could look back where the relationship with their kids was very close whenever they were maybe three, four, five, six, seven, eight. And that disconnect usually starts whenever they're hitting puberty and they're getting into their friends and social status is much more important. I find that that's where the break was for me when I was like 12, 13. And I find a lot of parents, once that break happens, they didn't have a sound relationship. where it needed to be to like this, this break and with your kids is they th you for everything. They' questions. They're not co you. They want to go to t play video games. They ju They don't want any, the parents are a drag. That is a bad relationship to have with your kids. If they're, I mean, everybody's going to have kids that, you know, whatever they have their day, but overall your relationship through your whole life with your kids, like you have an opportunity whenever you have a child that the child wants nothing more to have the most awesome relationship with you. That's all they want. And somewhere on that path, it drifted. It's usually here, a change here, a ch all of a sudden a year go this void, this space bet and so maintaining that r what was what I would have needed is, you know, figuring out by the time they started, my parents started looking into like what's going on. I was so far behind in school that it's so hard to reel that back in. I mean, you needed to like pull me out of school and have me go to like a military school or something where like I was forced to learn. It would have been like very painful to go back and fix all of the stuff that happens. So don't even let it get there. And so whenever it's that relationship that you have with your parents, that's something that I didn't have with my parents that. I'm going to make sure that I have with my daughter is that, you know, I don't like to use the term because it's not the proper term, say she's going to be my best friend because we're not friends. I'm her dad. OK, right. It's it's what I mean by that is that they are comfortable and we build and stack on that relationship over time. As she changes, our relationship is changing, but it's staying connected and close. So that's something that would be very important for parents. And if their kids are kind of off, man, we got to Pause the chaos and clear out your calendar and rebuild. It doesn't happen with one or two conversations. I might be counseling, I might be therapy, but time on task is very important. If you've got 10,000 hours of time you did not spend with your kid, you might need another 10,000 to bring it back. So if you go a whole year and you're used to spending two, three hours with your kid, and then all of a sudden that evaporates because they're now hitting puberty and they want to go hang out with their friends, you're losing that. So to just be like, hey, you can't just fix it with a conversation or morning breakfast. It's going to take a lot of time. And that's what a lot of people don't want to invest or they don't realize that the easy decisions they've been making are catching up to them and now they have to make hard decisions to get the life that they want because they just took the here's the iPad here's this yep be home by nine here's this go go go go go and what they don't realize is it's a slow it's like an ocean just eroding the the shoreline and you don't build it back in one day it takes time and you have to be prepared and build that back so parents that's huge is don't lose that relationship
You know, it's interesting. We had, um, you know, a marriage counselor once say for thinking about investing in that emotional bank, you can't pull from that bank if you don't make deposits. And they put it into an analogy, like financially, if you've got money in the bank, you can withdraw money. If you've got emotional, value in that bank, you can pull from that emotional value. But if you're not putting that emotional value in, you're not going to be able to get it back out. As you're sitting here talking, I'm thinking that was such a powerful analogy. It works so well here too with parents. If you're not investing in your kids, you can't pull when you need to pull if there's nothing in that bank. Because the kids are going to be like, There's no reason for me like there's no emotional investment, and I think we are missing it as a whole as a society on every level, but it works really well here with parents to kids to actually.
Yeah, the social media and the public schools are raising your kids and the parents are just housing it and putting, you know, donuts in front of them and just hope you turn out okay.
Yeah, you're not going to turn out okay in that scenario. All right. So what advice do you have for the younger adults that because you were that younger adult that went down that other path?
It sounds I've been thinking about this and I'm looking back whenever I was that age and I was in that time of my life and say 13 to like your mid 20s. Everybody's priorities are a little bit different, but one of the things that I didn't have the ability to do or wasn't taught to me back then was to think more than. a day or two in front of me. And so I didn't have anything out there. So it's really difficult. I hate it because I'm putting myself in the shoes of who might be listening to this. And I always hated when I was that age and an older person was saying, you're going to regret this one day or, you know, and I was just like, what are you talking about? You're stupid. I would completely discount it. But one of the things that I can, I can really attest to is if you're putting off the things that you need to do, like, Whether it's schooling, studying, a career path, everybody knows. And you'll know if you really sit down at the edge of your bed and you do some real soul searching, you know you're cutting corners. You know you could do better. You know you're hitting a snooze button. You know you're not studying for the exam. You know you're drinking whenever you should be doing this. It's hard to hear it whenever you're that age because you don't know I always, I don't know if I subconsciously had this idea that life will take care of me, something will take care of me, this will get fixed. When I was in high school, I, you know, I'm failing grades and in my head I'm like, yeah, I'll go take the ACT and I'll get into college somewhere. I had this like stupid belief that was based off nothing. But knowing, looking, having self-worth, self-confidence is very hard to develop whenever you don't have it and you're not getting it from home. Organizing, I guess what I would try to say is to are the things you're doing today. helping you with the direction that you're going for tomorrow. And in most cases, for me, it was just this circle. There was no productivity. It was just get through the day, drink, wake up the next day, go to school, get out, go drink. And it was just, I couldn't wait to get out of it. There was no goal setting. There was no planning. So have a goal, have a plan. And even if you're young enough and you don't have your life mapped out, you don't have it planned out, that's not what I'm saying. it's if you're going and you feel good and making Yes, I want to go hang out I want to stay up late. Y video games. Yes, I want I don't want these people looking back because whenever I was drinking and doing all those drugs, I was not growing. I was the shark. I was dying, but I wasn't maturing and I wasn't growing and I wasn't filling my own well. It was dry and empty and lonely. And so whenever you have these kids, it's like, it's find something that something and when you ge you find something that's you get through it, it bu whether it's a sport or other than just school that can help build that confidence that you know who you are, you're making your own decisions, you're taking charge of your life. It sounds difficult to say to an 18 or 19 or 20 year old whenever they have no idea what they want to do. It doesn't matter if you know what you want to do. It's knowing that if you're consciously making bad decisions on a daily basis and you know it, and you will know it if you're going to be honest, is starting to eliminate those things one at a time. Jordan Peterson had something that really, I really liked what he said. He was like, find one thing that you know you're doing wrong that you know you'll fix. So like what's the smallest thing that you're doing that's hurting yourself that you that you can fix, that you can change today, and you start building on that. And so if I'm talking to the young people Let's start straightening things up. Take one thing. If it's like, hey, I hit the snooze button every day, let's quit the snooze button. Then it's the next day. OK, I want to get in shape. OK, let's walk one mile. Don't go try to run a marathon and beat you up. One thing, small improvements compound over time. And that's why what I was saying with my schedule and my morning routine that I've been doing for almost nine years now, has built and developed and compounded. I don't miss. I always wake up. I always hit the gym unless I'm sick or I have COVID and I had it once, like just knocked me off. Like you gotta, I gotta be down. You gotta be, I gotta be really, really sick for me to not perform. Um, Being able to slowly build on that discipline is what I would say, because it will build your confidence and your self-worth, and you'll need less of it from other people out there, because you're getting it internally from yourself. Also, looking at who you're hanging out with. You're the average of the five people you spend the most time with. So who you're spending your time with, you gotta cut out all the bad actors, and it's hard, because most people are followers, they're not leaders, and that's okay, but you need to know if you're being following somebody to the are you following someone that they're going somewh that I have right after t that I've had with two me very good. They're my two b at charleston's on 33rd other Wednesday twice a m from 11 to 130, and we sit down and these guys are much higher income earners and have been developing themselves nonstop since they were teenagers. They didn't go through all the crap that I went through. They had their own trials, but they didn't have a drug addiction and alcoholism. And so they're way further along in life, but they have all their aspects of their life. It's not just business. It's personal. It's family. It's their spirituals. Everything is in balance. And so who you spend your time with really matters. So I've been doing this for 12 years before I was even sober. I was meeting with these guys. Then I got sober and I meet with them every other Wednesday. So who you're around is very powerful. You have somebody who's lost and hanging out with a bunch of losers. Go hang out with some guys that are where you want to be. oh just the way they think the way they speak the way they overcome problems it'll blow your mind it's a game it'll elevate you and then you just take this ladder and once you get to you you get to that friend group and you get that worked out you'll start elevating and being conscious of who you're who you're spending your time with and so that is for the young kids like be around mentors be around people who are in a place where you want to be and reach out to these people because I get people reach out to me all the time, and I'm very, very aware that these people potentially look up to me, and they want guidance and advice. Who am I not to give them that time? I've been in that spot where I've had people I've looked up to, and I was really nervous about reaching out to them. Then I reached out to them, and they canceled on me, where they didn't show up, where they didn't do it, and it hurt so bad because I was really looking up to these people. And so finding these people that most of the people that are have gone through the struggle, they know what it's like. And I mean, when I was making cold calls back in the day for some of my owners, I'm this little whippersnapper making calls. And I get some guy on the phone that would pause and be like, Hey, man, I just want to let you know, like, even though we can't do business, and I'm not ready to sell my house, like, keep doing what you're doing. I own my own company, I'm in car sales or whatever, you know, like you're a hustler, you're doing what you need to do. And I just get jacked up on that kind of stuff, ready to go. Um, and so it's very encouraging to, to hear that from other people. When you reach out to these people that you, you know, I call it standing on the shoulders of giants. You know, if you're this little person right here talking to this, you know, this big, go bigger than life person, reach out to them and ask for guidance and advice and what they did and how they, what their, the one thing I like asking very successful people is what's your day look like? Not how did you make a whole bunch of money? How, what's your day look like? How do you handle problems? If I had to tell them a problem, how would you handle this problem that I have? And they'll probably laugh at it. You're like, Oh my gosh, why are they laughing? I'm not laughing at it. I'm laughing at like, why this is a problem for you. And here's how I would handle it. And it's usually they just whack it, whack it out. Yeah, they get right through it. You're like, Oh my gosh. And so like, whenever I talked, I have some friends that, you know, are, are have been close to a billionaire at this point. And whenever you talk with that type of an individual, it is like mind-blowing the way that they just process information. It's not that they're like super intelligent, they're very intelligent, but I'm asking them questions about how they operate their normal daily functions and how they interact with their family and it's just so high level when they have their whole stuff dialed in that I just I pull from that. So if you're a kid who's 18, 19, 20, like don't be hanging around your people that are not going places. You need to elevate your game and get around these other people who are where you want to be. And you find, you know, you might have to reach out to a handful of them, but when you find somebody that you click with, you know, what most of those people are looking for is that you're not only asking for guidance and advice, but you're going to take action. That's the thing that these people are looking for is like, I'm going to give you my time and I'll coach and mentor you. But I'm not here just to tell you what to do and then you don't go do it. That'll end a relationship real quick with me. I'll give you my time, but if you're going to say, oh, no, I didn't wake up and I didn't just like, you got one more chance, man. Like, I need you to take action. This is serious. We're doing things here. We're not talking about things here. We're going to do it.
You're generous because most of the mentors that I know, you only get one shot and you don't perform and there's no second call. So if you give them a second chance, you're way more generous because most of the mentors I know. But that is the best advice is to really start preaching to these younger people. You are the sum of the five people you associate the most. And that friend group, if it's negative and taking you down the wrong path, I 100% agree with you. Find a new friend group, like quickly, because you're going to go down the drain with the, and misery loves company, right? So let's just put that into perspective. If you want to be miserable, you're going to take people with you and you're going to go with the people that are miserable. But if you want a different life, I a hundred percent agree. Brett, you are amazing. I am so excited that you were with us today. I know you have a schedule here that you won't miss, so I want to be respectful of that. How does our audience get in touch with you? Best way to get in touch with you?
my email brett b-r-e-t-t at brett boone.com it's b-r-e-t-t-b-o-o-n-e shoot me an email if i don't get it uh it might go to spam because i don't know um but then i give everybody my cell phone it's area code 405-818-0773 if you call me and i don't answer i always have an answering service so it is my cell phone but There's an answering service. I'll answer. So nothing ever goes to my voicemail. If you leave them a message, they'll give me a text. I'll get back with you one way or the other, because I usually won't answer out of state numbers. I don't know. That's why they filter it. And then they get to me. I can be better with my time and not answer 100 calls a day. So you get a hold of me through those two ways, and I'd be happy to have a conversation, reach out. Help any way I can.
You're amazing. Thank you again, everyone. This is everything is up with Tamara and Brett Boone. Everybody make sure you share, like the podcast and reach out to Brett. He's a great guy. I'm so grateful that you were with us today. Everybody have a great week. Thanks, Brett.
Thank you. Thanks so much for tuning into this episode of Everything Is Up. Be sure to appreciate it. If you haven't done so already, make sure you're subscribed to the show wherever you consume podcasts. This way, you'll get updates as new episodes become available. And remember.